Hoarders In Training

For some crazy insane reason, my husband decided it was time to re-arrange our bedroom. This was an awesome idea. It helped me finish "unpacking" boxes and put things into their proper place. Of course, once I start, I can't stop. So, needless to say, I decided it was time to do the kids bedrooms today. Oh My God! The term What The Fuck has popped into my head at least sixteen times since I've started doing this. The shit my kids hide, save, cherish is unimaginable! Apparently a broken bottle of bubbles that has spilt all over a toy container is a worthy item to save. And throwing it away is treason enough to cause tears. Empty lip gloss containers are also something to value. Adults just don't understand that a completely empty lip gloss container is worth BIG MONEY and should NEVER be thrown away. Toys that have been dismembered are absolutely on the list of THINGS TO KEEP. Sugery will be performed in a year or two on these special headless and limbless toys when their body parts are found. And then everyone can celebrate their ressurection! Items such as pictures are on the bottom of the priority list. Those are also required to be crumbled up to give it a vintage look and feel. Then we come to the broken accessories. I'm finding toys that I'm sure I have never purchased that are torn in half and unrecognizable to any sane human being. These are the most sacred items. My children keep spoutting off just why these prized possessions should NOT be parted with and can site dates and times of when the items were received, regardless that the identy of the toys can not be given with real certainty. The fact that it might be an accessory to the strawberry shortcake toys should be good enough to keep. After all, Strawberry Shortcake might be looking for that long lost item and when she finds it, she will be happy again. Then we come to the empty boxes. What scares me most about the boxes is that it is not the 4yr old and 5yr old collecting them. No, these boxes are being collected by the almost 11yr old. When questioned about them, the answer I've always received is, "It's just important. You never know." Luckily this is not a challenge today as the almost 11yr old is with his grandparents and can not stop Mommy from disposing of the boxes. I'm sure there will be hell to pay on Tuesday when he returns to my care. Now we come to the papers. I've estimated that six trees have been killed to supply my children with the papers they have hidden. And they are EVERYWHERE! I"m finding toy bins stuffed with papers. They are hiding in underwear drawers. Obviously papers are like laundry. They must be reproducing in dark places because none of the children will take responsibility for the papers. Even with evidence of the owner written all over it in the form of a name, my children still deny ownership. "It has your name on it! See, it says Ciarabel!" Nope, the child in question will shake his/her head and say, "I didn't write my name on it. Someone else must have." So I attempt to throw out the unwanted papers only to be attacked with, "You can't get rid of it! It's special!" When I counter with, "but I thought it wasn't yours," I'm informed that, "but it is special. Someone must have gave it to me. It has my name on it." *HEAD BANG AGAINST WALL*Everything can be either "fixed" or has an emotional connection to a child. Items that I insist on trashing, regardless that it may be worth millions one day in the eyes of my children, are greeted with tears and death looks from my children. Bargaining ensues next. Trades are hatched. If I let them keep this one useless item, they agree to let me dispose of those three items over there. "But it's broken!" is my constant protest. It doesn't matter. That item is the bestest of them all. It must be kept. Trechery begins. Children are sent out of the room to bring me another toy bin to keep toys in and the garbage is stuffed full of crap as soon as they leave the room. Once they return, they promptly try to remove several items that have been thrown away. Back stabbing begins. The girls volunteer unearth items to be thrown away instead of the items in question. I point out that the new items belong to their brothers and are not theirs. That is okay, I am informed. It can still be trashed instead. The boys won't miss it. Used bandaids, hair pieces covered in dolls hair, broken crayons. "Why are we keeping the bandaid?! Is it important?!" A shrug, "We just are." I am beggining to see I am losing this battle. It is going to require a lot more secrecy in the parts of my children to ensure this never happens again. Mom can not be allowed to go through bins EVER again. I am the bad guy. It is them against the world. I have a feeling I will lose in the long run.