Hoarders In Training

For some crazy insane reason, my husband decided it was time to re-arrange our bedroom. This was an awesome idea. It helped me finish "unpacking" boxes and put things into their proper place. Of course, once I start, I can't stop. So, needless to say, I decided it was time to do the kids bedrooms today. Oh My God! The term What The Fuck has popped into my head at least sixteen times since I've started doing this. The shit my kids hide, save, cherish is unimaginable! Apparently a broken bottle of bubbles that has spilt all over a toy container is a worthy item to save. And throwing it away is treason enough to cause tears. Empty lip gloss containers are also something to value. Adults just don't understand that a completely empty lip gloss container is worth BIG MONEY and should NEVER be thrown away. Toys that have been dismembered are absolutely on the list of THINGS TO KEEP. Sugery will be performed in a year or two on these special headless and limbless toys when their body parts are found. And then everyone can celebrate their ressurection! Items such as pictures are on the bottom of the priority list. Those are also required to be crumbled up to give it a vintage look and feel. Then we come to the broken accessories. I'm finding toys that I'm sure I have never purchased that are torn in half and unrecognizable to any sane human being. These are the most sacred items. My children keep spoutting off just why these prized possessions should NOT be parted with and can site dates and times of when the items were received, regardless that the identy of the toys can not be given with real certainty. The fact that it might be an accessory to the strawberry shortcake toys should be good enough to keep. After all, Strawberry Shortcake might be looking for that long lost item and when she finds it, she will be happy again. Then we come to the empty boxes. What scares me most about the boxes is that it is not the 4yr old and 5yr old collecting them. No, these boxes are being collected by the almost 11yr old. When questioned about them, the answer I've always received is, "It's just important. You never know." Luckily this is not a challenge today as the almost 11yr old is with his grandparents and can not stop Mommy from disposing of the boxes. I'm sure there will be hell to pay on Tuesday when he returns to my care. Now we come to the papers. I've estimated that six trees have been killed to supply my children with the papers they have hidden. And they are EVERYWHERE! I"m finding toy bins stuffed with papers. They are hiding in underwear drawers. Obviously papers are like laundry. They must be reproducing in dark places because none of the children will take responsibility for the papers. Even with evidence of the owner written all over it in the form of a name, my children still deny ownership. "It has your name on it! See, it says Ciarabel!" Nope, the child in question will shake his/her head and say, "I didn't write my name on it. Someone else must have." So I attempt to throw out the unwanted papers only to be attacked with, "You can't get rid of it! It's special!" When I counter with, "but I thought it wasn't yours," I'm informed that, "but it is special. Someone must have gave it to me. It has my name on it." *HEAD BANG AGAINST WALL*Everything can be either "fixed" or has an emotional connection to a child. Items that I insist on trashing, regardless that it may be worth millions one day in the eyes of my children, are greeted with tears and death looks from my children. Bargaining ensues next. Trades are hatched. If I let them keep this one useless item, they agree to let me dispose of those three items over there. "But it's broken!" is my constant protest. It doesn't matter. That item is the bestest of them all. It must be kept. Trechery begins. Children are sent out of the room to bring me another toy bin to keep toys in and the garbage is stuffed full of crap as soon as they leave the room. Once they return, they promptly try to remove several items that have been thrown away. Back stabbing begins. The girls volunteer unearth items to be thrown away instead of the items in question. I point out that the new items belong to their brothers and are not theirs. That is okay, I am informed. It can still be trashed instead. The boys won't miss it. Used bandaids, hair pieces covered in dolls hair, broken crayons. "Why are we keeping the bandaid?! Is it important?!" A shrug, "We just are." I am beggining to see I am losing this battle. It is going to require a lot more secrecy in the parts of my children to ensure this never happens again. Mom can not be allowed to go through bins EVER again. I am the bad guy. It is them against the world. I have a feeling I will lose in the long run.

Oh Crap, I've Got A Tween In My Home

That's right! My sweet little boy is about to turn 11yrs old. And with it is coming a full surge of hormones, that I expect will get worse, and a smart mouth. Now don't get me wrong, my son is one of the most amazing people I know. He is so smart, and loving, and has such an amazing spirit. However, this is being over shadowed by his sarcastic comments and quick snips. (Hmmm, wonder who he gets that from? I know it's not me!) Last weekend, my child decided it would be fun to light one of my balloons on fire. Yep, that's right. On fire. Now, as disturbing as it is to know that he was just sitting there and the idea to light the balloon on fire just came to him out of the blue, the more disturbing thing is that he convinced our baby sitter that this would be a good idea!!! (I'm just glad the two morons did it OUTSIDE my home.) So, now I know I've got a little pyro on my hands. I remember lighting things on fire too as a teenager. I'm a girl and I almost caught my mom's kitchen on fire. He is a boy, with less worries about danger. I'm sure the fire department will be called at least once before this child reaches the age of 18.I've also got to worry about things I say coming around and biting me in the ass now. I am forever telling my family that we have plenty of food in this house, but you just have to cook it. You know, put in a little bit of effort. Today while prodding my stocked fridge and freezer, I made the mistake of saying, "There's nothing to eat." Of course I meant there is nothing to eat instantly. Jaydn quips in, "There's plenty of food, Mom. You just gotta cook it." I couldn't even smack him for it because he darted out of the kitchen before I could turn around! Watching him as he enters this wonderful and insane time in his life, I smile and remember my own youth. As he opens his arms to give me a hug, I wonder how many more "willing" hugs I'm going to get from him. I have already informed him that he can either give his mom hugs and kisses (which are now on the cheek :( It goes by too fast!) for the rest of his life or have his dad and stepdad hunt him down and kiss him instead! Luckily that works out really well in my favor since my son would rather give me a kiss than have either of his dads kiss him. It is only a matter of time before he finds away around this one too. (Don't worry. I have a plan in mind to ensure he always hugs me.) As I listen to him debate his points on why he is old enough to watch a rated R action movie that is really cool looking (he loses every time), I watch my sweet 5yr old son. Watching Ryker laying on the floor and playing, and grabbing himself whenever he has to pee makes me miss having Jaydn that age again. I never dreamed that I would miss the days when my son was cracking raw eggs all over my kitchen floor at 5am because he decided to make himself breakfast, or when he was scaling up the walls in my home for fun. No, now instead of worrying that he is going to fall and hurt himself, I worry that he is going to fall and break something (like when he decided to JUMP off the top bunk a few months ago). Or worse, that I'm going to have cops at my house because something or someone has accidently been lit on fire! Oh, the joys of parenting. I might have to smack the next parent of a newborn I hear who whines about how hard it is.

Read The Warning Labels! (July 5, 2011)

Almost two weeks ago I was put on antibiotics. Simple Bactrim DS. I've been around this medication a lot, being a nurse, and have never had issues. My husband has been on it, and again, I've never had issues. The only medication I've ever had an allergic reaction to is Percocet, and my eyes swelled and filled with fluid. So I thought nothing of it when I started this drug.
As a mom and a nurse, I always read warning labels for drugs. I read the side effects very carefully so I know what to expect. And I popped the pills down without thinking. Shawn and I went on our very conservative Honeymoon, and I didn't think twice about my antibiotics unless it was 10am or 10pm when I chugged down another pill. After 24hrs, I started feeling not quite right. Considering all antibiotics make me feel nauseated, I just shrugged it off. After 72hrs on the drug, I started sleeping more. I just couldn't make myself wake up enough to want to do much. I felt exhausted, but just chalked it up to being in the sun all day for the past few days and moved on. I also started getting dizzy spells constantly. Again, I put these symptoms on the list of "Too much fun, all junk food, running around like crazy with my husband" list. Eight days after I began this medication (I was only on it for 10 days) I was lying in bed and noticed some bumps on my ankle. It was strange, but I decided it had to be bug bites I didn't notice from our vacation/honeymoon. I popped my antibiotic and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning (Thursday) feeling even more blah than before. I drank my coffee, showered, and headed off to work. I counted my pills, and was thrilled to know I only had two more days of this hell and I would start feeling better once I finished. I bought breakfast for myself because I can't take this on an empty stomach. I got to work, tried to eat, and just couldn't. It tasted like crap. I threw it away. While getting report, I started itching. Silly me just assumed it was my sunburn peeling again. I had been itchy for the past 12hrs at that point. I looked down and noticed a rash on my arms. Then I started to panic a little bit. I lifted up my scrubs and noticed that my legs were now covered in a rash and bumps. Then I checked out my stomach. Covered. A coworker noticed that my face was covered in a rash as well. I disposed of my pill in my pocket instead of taking it, just to be safe. I popped two benedryl and started my day. Within 15mins of taking the second benedryl, I began to feel a lump in my throat. Then it grew. It felt like I had a golf ball wedged in my throat. My O2 sats were good (97%) so I just kept working. My lips began to get tingly and numb, and my breathing became slightly raspy. The metalic taste came next. About 2hrs after I took the benedryl, my job sent me to the ER. Luckily I work right next door to a Hospital. Let me tell you, the attention you get when you drag yourself through the ER, with audible breathing, covered from head to toe in a rash and hives is amazing. I was immediately thrown onto a bed, crash cart in tow, and got an entire team at my side consisting of four nurses and a PA. As soon as I was put on the bed, I felt myself begin to doze off. Not allowed when you are having an allergic reaction. I was shook by the PA and forced to stay awake and answer questions. IV was started, meds pushed through my veins, and 15mins later, I was finally able to breathe again without difficulty. I fell asleep shortly after that. I woke up, glanced at the clock, the empty IV bag, and made the nurse let me go to the bathroom. 1000ml if IV fluid in roughly an hour for a woman weighing 112lbs makes you gotta pee! I still get chills thinking about it. If I hadn't noticed the rash, or taken my medication before I left the house like I originally planned instead of waiting until I got to work so I could eat first, and I probably would have gone into anaphylactic shock. It had been about 12hrs since my last dose when the allergic reaction hit me full on. I've now got to carry an EPI pen around, and since I don't know exactly how severe my allergy is to Sulfa (a major ingrediant in Bactrim DS) I am absolutely terrified. I know I will never handle the medication again without gloves on (even though we don't touch it when giving it to our patients.) But I'm still freaked out. I'm a mom of five kids! And I'm so mad at myself for not noticing the little abnormal things that could have prevented this from getting so bad, like the dizziness, and the altered food taste. I haven't slept in two days. I just can't. I don't know if I'm just scared or it's the Prednisone keeping me awake. Shawn hasn't slept in two days either. I think for me, the scariest part was when I was lying on the hospital bed, and I actually thought, "Okay, I'm tired. I don't want to try any more." After almost 3hrs of the allergy flaring it's ugly head, I was so exhausted from staying calm and breathing slow deep breaths to keep my oxygen level up, that I just didn't care. I had other medical professionals around me, and I just didn't care any more. The only thing I could think of was that it hurt to breathe.
I'm recovering nicely, but I'm just physically and emotionally exhausted. My body feels like I've tried to kill it, and my head hasn't stopped hurting in two days. I'm just so glad I'm okay. I got really lucky this time. Read warning labels. Don't dismiss symptoms. I don't care if you've taken a medication a dozen times before, read that stupid phamphlet again!

Blond Moment, and Not Mine (from June 11, 2011)

So I'm trying to teach my almost 11yr old to cook. I had him open a big can of ravioli and told him to put it in a pot and turn the stove on medium. I went to the living room to give him some "confidence" that I trusted him and told him to call me if he needed me. Just a few moments after I sat down, Jaydn yells, "Mom, I need you!" I go into the kitchen to see the problem. Jaydn has decided to skip the step of putting the ravioli into a pot. Instead he put it into four PLASTIC bowels. Each bowel was placed on a burner. And the burners were on. Ravioli mess everywhere!!! The only good thing is that Jaydn now knows that PLASTIC + HEAT = FIRE. Luckily there was no fire this time. *Shakes head* I think my son is one of the smartest people I know. But he had a real dumb moment, lol.

I'm Offially Mrs. McSwain (April 28th, 2011

Between everything that went wrong with planning our wedding, and with Shawn's dad ending up in the hospital, we cancelled the wedding as everyone knows. Two weeks ago we secured our Common Law Marriage in the state of Texas. We also applied for a Marriage License, knowing we wanted an actual marriage license and not just a Common Law license. My husband talked to our pastor, who agreed to do a private ceremony for us towards the end of April.
So, we kept quiet (only informing our parents and a very few choice friends) and kept going. On April 28th, 2011, at 6pm, surrounded by Shawn's mom and sister, my friend Laura, and our children, we had a full marriage ceremony and exchanged vows. (Jacob was not there due to him just having surgery and not feeling well.) It was very sweet and romantic. We are so happy with the out come. And I couldn't be happier to be his bride.
Nothing went right, as it never does, but somehow by the time we were standing in front of Pastor Dennis, all dressed up (and me in four inch heels!!!!) everything seemed absolutely perfect! All I cared about was that I was standing with this man who has shown me so much love and devotion, and has shown me what love is really about, and I was about to be his in every legal way possible.
We exchanged rings, exchanged kisses, and the only person I could even see at that moment was him. Besides having my children, I have never before done anything in my life that has ever felt that right. I can't wait to get my copy of my marriage license in the mail. I am so excited to change my last name. I love being Mrs. Shawn McSwain. I know it is a little corny, but I refused to change my last name in my last marriage. And this time around, I want to do it and it feels right to do it. And just as importantly, my husband wants me to do it.
Thank you to everyone who has wished us well. I look back on when we met, and everyone who asked us both how long this was going to last, and I smile. We have had an incredible journey getting to this point. We have learned so much, and I can't wait to see what life is going to bring!
I finally have my prince. I finally have the fairy tail romance that I've always wanted. And I finally have an equal partner to share my life with.

THE UGLY TRUTH....

I have the sudden overwhelming urge to stop what I am doing and sit down for a few moments to blog about the ugly truth behind family pictures. That cute adorable little thing that you mail off to relatives and your mother is not factual. Infact, it is a bold face lie. Everyone is sitting, looking wonderful and loving, but there is nothing loving about family pictures. First, you are required to clean all of your children. That's right. ALL OF THEM! It is frowned upon if you show up to have pictures taken in your true form, which is chocolate on the kids, gum in someone's hair, and unmatching clothing because your 4yr old has taken pleasure in dressing himself! For those of you who only have one or two kids, you might still be living in fantasy land. With five kids, the best thing to do is take your shower before you bathe the children. Shawn argued this point with me. He still lives in fantasy land where he believes that it is best to get the kids wet and soapy before you, since obviously you will get soaked in the shower of the children process. However, I know best. I know that by bathing yourself first, you ensure hot water for your own shower. No doubt one of the children will use up all our hot water.
After you make sure the older three are clean, and you scrub the younger two without drowning them, you have to dress them. This entails raiding closets for clothing that not only do not have stains on them, but look nice and MATCH!!!! I'm not insane enough to think all five kids will match. I've seen pictures like this where every member of the family is wearing the same color, and that is just not practical. The most I can hope for is the boys matching and the girls matching. Usually I'm satisfied with the same style, everyone in long sleeves for instance.
After you spend a good HOUR picking out clothing for the five kids, you then have to raid your own closet. Finding something for yourself is usually pretty easy. It's the husband that causes problems. Of course he demands you pick out his clothing. This might sound like a perfect solution, but it really isn't. You have to find something nice that he would wear for pictures. All those nice shirts tucked in the back of his closet, stay away from those. They either do not fit, itch, or something he would not be caught dead in. And if you have the joy of being married to someone like my husband, you have to pick out a damn hat as well. Even if he has agreed to be hatless during the picture, he has to wear the hat from your home to the damn portrait studio. And the hat is expected to match the clothing he will be wearing.
Then comes the hair. We are the type of family who just shaves our sons heads. So we are only cursed with the hair of two little girls. Who can't sit still. Ever. And have to touch their hair. This means that I can not do their hair until about an hour before we leave and pray to god that it stays in place. By the time all of this is done and you get into the car to leave for pictures, everyone is in a pretty foul mood. There is no love being felt. There is only glares and someone complaining about hating the shirt they are wearing from the back seat, and front sometimes as well.
Once you get to the studio, you are expected to pose with all five children and have ALL FIVE KIDS LOOK AT THE CAMERA WHILE SMILING! Unfortunately this is near impossible. If you manage to get all the kids looking where they are suppose to, the parents are so excited they have to turn to eachother and congratulate eachother on their awesome parenting skills, thus ruining the photo. Twenty seven shots later, you will most likely come up with something respectable to mail off to relatives and friends. You will then be called and congratulated on your beautiful family. Just remember to grit your teeth and say thank you. You wouldn't want to destroy the fantasy land your relatives live in by revealing that you had to threaten to ground your children if they didn't sit still and smile, or threaten to chop off your oldest's hand if he makes bunny ears on his siblings one more time! Just remember not to reveal that your husband threatened to run away if you ever subject him to this again. No, it is much kinder to just say, "Thank you, we had so much fun!" After all, someone else might just look at this picture of your perfect family of seven and think to themselves, "By god, if they can do it, so can we! Lets have another kid!" Misery really does love company.

The Wait!

After being separated for 18mnths, I am pleased to say that my divorce is almost final. After months of trying desperately to get the info I needed from my exhusband to file, I gave up and hired a lawyer in August to do the paperwork for me. Miraculously, my ex was more than willing to give up the info once I got a lawyer involved. I am now in the "waiting period." I filed end of September through the courts, and have to wait 60 days. On day 61, I call the court where they schedule my court hearing to finalize the proceedings. My lawyer informed me that I call every day so I can snag cancellations. I am representing myself during this as I can't afford another two grand for my lawyer to represent me. My ex signed the waiver and had it notarized, so there is no hold on the proceedings. Its just waiting now.
I am so ecstatic to have this over with. I desperately want to move on with my life and close this unpleasant chapter in my life. I also want to only have one husband. That's right. You read that correctly! I have two "husbands" in the eyes of the law at the moment. Apparently in Texas if you represent yourself as married to your significant other more than three times in public, you are considered common law married. Guess what we've been doing for a few months now! This means two things~once my divorce is final, if we decide to break up, we have to file for divorce if we are both not in complete agreement with the break up. Legally, we are required to file for divorce even if we are in agreement. The state of Texas does not consider me married to my ex, even though the proceedings are not finalized yet. I can not legally do anything with him, like filing for taxes, or adding him to my insurance, ect. It's insane.
Things are great with the kids. Jaydn loves his school and is doing superb. The girls are doing really well, and Ryker will start PPCD this week or next week (special preschool class for disabled children.) My stepson is over regularly and has adjusted marvelously to having me around as well as four siblings.